The Wouldn't Wants

Death tends to throw everyone for a loop when it invites itself to the party. Even those who deal with it on a regular basis can be caught off guard. It’s unfair to assume that people will know how to support each other when tragedy strikes, and I understand.

So I’m going to help you out a bit, but JUST a bit

When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with the way someone is grieving, keep your “wouldn’t wants” to yourself.

“Shannan, what do you mean by this?”

Oh, don’t worry, I’ll tell you.

I’m talking about those pesky little “They wouldn’t wants”

You’ve heard them.

“They wouldn’t want you to be sad.”

“They wouldn’t want you to cry.”

“They wouldn’t want you to be angry.”

“They wouldn’t want you to lie in bed all day.”

Quite frankly, I’m pretty sure that “they” would understand you getting a close-up of the back of this hand for trying to use their memory as a means of control.

Stop using the dead person to dictate how you feel the griever should conduct themselves.

You stop it.

Stop it now.

There is no right way to grieve. Just as we are all different people, we all handle discourse and pain differently.

The one thing that is universal about grief is that we all need time. Time to feel the pain, time to navigate emotional turmoil, time to figure out what’s next.

Time to heal.