DGYAB Stage 3: Bargaining

There’s just something about this particular stage of grief that puts a knot in my stomach. I’ve always been good at getting my way when I really want something. Even as a kid I was a pretty decent negotiator.

Mom: It’s time for bed.

Me: How about 30 more minutes?

Mom: How about no.

Me: How about 20 more minutes?

Mom: How about 15?

Me: Deal.

I try to operate with the understanding that just about everything is negotiable. Whether that’s actually the case or not is completely subjective, but it’s worth a shot, right?

Death isn’t negotiable. You’re going to have to do it. Yet, we still find ourselves trying to bargain our way out of the inevitable.

I’ll never drink again, if I get through this.

If you let him live, I’ll go to church more often.

In the words from this Psycom article, "You are so desperate to get your life back to how it was before the grief event, you are willing to make a major life change in an attempt toward normality.”

Those “What If” statements are more than enough to drive you insane.

What if I noticed sooner that something was wrong?

What if I did things differently?

During your time spent in the bargaining stage, guilt often invites himself to the party and stays far beyond his welcome. This is by far, the worst part.

The truth is, there is nothing that could have changed things. Nothing could have altered the course of what had already been set in motion.

Negotiation is only a weak attempt to gain some sort of power over a situation you cannot control.

The sooner you relinquish control, the sooner you’ll pull through.

Forgive yourself.