It's That Time Again...
It’s that time of the year again. The holidays are upon us and the entire surrounding world is rolling around in North Pole technicolor vomit.
A lot of other grief blogs are tackling the whole “It’s okay to not feel grateful. It’s okay to not be in the holiday spirit” thing, and that’s very true. The first holiday season can be especially brutal.
I remember mine well. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas, like loooooooooooooove Christmas, but I also understand that it’s a difficult time for a lot of people. What I wanted more than anything, was to have a normal Christmas. My family was prepared to make all types of changes to our regular traditions, and while I appreciated it, what I really needed was for something to be the same. Participating in family rituals felt really good, like an anchor of sorts. Of course, there were times when I needed a break, and nobody questioned it. Overall, it was exactly what I needed. Here are a few things I learned from that first holiday:
Grief and joy can exist simultaneously. I found myself feeling guilty for smiling, laughing, or enjoying the company of my family, because such a terrible thing had happened only a few months before. It took some time before I could understand that the flickers of happiness in the moment did not lessen the magnitude of the loss, nor did it dull its importance. It just meant that I was healing.
Never count your circle out. They are more intuitive than you think. More people were willing to help than I expected, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
Time outs can really save the day. Breaks are okay, and necessary. Take them. Everyone was willing to give me as much or little space as needed. If a song came on that brought back some tough memories, I was able to step away, have a moment, and return to the festivities when I was ready. It was almost like microdosing isolation—just enough to give me the energy I needed to be with the people I loved.
What I’m really trying to say, is that your feelings are valid and there is no wrong way to approach this season.
Be well.
