"How're You Doing....Really?"

This is a question I hate. As someone who has recently rejoined the masses after being put through the ringer, I hear it a lot. It’s most common when seeing people you haven’t seen since the death of your loved one.

 It usually goes like this:

“Hey, how’re you doing?”
"I’m doing pretty well, thanks. How’ve you been?”
“Yeaaaaaaah, but how’re you doing, really?”

Full stop. 
((Commence Internal monologue))

Firstly, if this is the first time I’m seeing you since the loss, we clearly aren’t close enough for you to be in my face about this. Secondly, what part of 'I’m doing pretty well, thanks’, WASN’T CLEAR? I’ve answered your question, move along!

If you’ve ever lost someone, chances are you’ve heard this one a time or two.  You really want to throat- check people who disregard your initial response, but instead, you reply with a polite, 
“Oh you know, just doing the best I can.”

This way, they get to go about their day feeling like they’ve done something helpful, when really, they’ve made things worse. 
Thank you sir, for interrupting my meal with my past trauma just to make yourself feel like a better person. 

Awesome. 

There isn’t really a motivational moral to this little rant, just a not-so- gentle reminder to do better.  Don’t be this person. 

Remember, that when you’re searching for something to say and you’re not quite sure what’s right, silence is free.