One of the things people love to say when someone is grieving is “It will get better.”
It’s a platitude. It’s intended to be comforting.
It’s also a bold faced lie.
We tend to put a timer on how long people are allowed to grieve before they’re expected to “move on”. Over time, we can hear the tiredness in the voices of others when we’ve continued to talk about our loved one for too long past the funeral.
When you lose someone you love, there’s a hole in your life that is never filled. It never gets smaller. It never goes away. You never get over it. It just becomes part of your new life.
Eventually, your life grows around this hole. You learn to live with it. It’s a part of who you are, and you adapt.
The hole doesn’t get smaller. Your life just gets bigger.
Of course there are times when you circle back to the hole. Important dates, anniversaries, maybe when a certain song plays on the radio. You visit the hole for a short time, and you then remember that your life has grown, and you return to it.
It’s time for us to change the way we view grief. To accept it as it comes, and to be supportive to those around us who are dealing with it. To help widen that circle around it, and bring them joy in the years that follow.
Most importantly, to realize that the loss is never less.
The loss is never less.