“Don’t worry if you step on a headstone. We can replace a marker, we cannot replace a foot.”
This is my staple when it comes to announcements at services.
Pallbearers have a very important job at a funeral. They are responsible for carrying the casket and placing it at the burial site.
Most pallbearers are doing this for the first time and it’s the Funeral Director’s responsibility to make sure they know what they’re doing.
“Keep your eyes on me.” I told them. I was walking backwards- I could, since i knew the cemetery like the back of my hand.
I knew I’d made a mistake once I heard a very distinct pop.
“I’m good!” I lied through gritted teeth.
After what was likely just a few minutes, the grounds crew arrived, and helped remove my foot from the hole and gave me a ride to the hospital.
3 hours in the ER told me exactly what I’d feared— I had a hairline fracture in my left foot and I had to wear a boot for 6 weeks.
Martinez was waiting for me when I got back to the office.
“Sooooooo, you’re just gonna act like you didn’t hear me when I said there were holes?”
“Shut up, Martinez”
“No no no, ‘Queen Focus’ right? What happened? Haha”
Queen Focus. That’s what I’d called myself that very morning.
I was focused.
On the bright side, the rest of the service went smoothly and no one else fell.
I will say one thing—I was the coolest cripple at Coachella that weekend.